The Conclusion

After three days of steady prayer and way too much time to think, I have come to a conclusion. It's not exactly the conclusion I've been looking for. In fact, this little discovery has absolutely nothing to do with my original topic of prayer and contemplation. However, it IS a conclusion, and I don't remember the last time I was this sure about something. So what is this conclusion, so important, that I had to go and write about it? Well, here it goes.... I am in NO way, form, shape, or fashion equipped for or capable of a relationship. To be perfectly honest, the mere idea TERRIFIES me. I think of settling down and my stomach does flip-flops, my hands start shaking, and I break into a cold sweat. The very mention word commitment inspires this desire in me to break into a run...and to run and run and run until every thought has effused from my ears, mouth, and nostrils. A white wedding? My worst nightmare. Slip a sparkler on my finger, dress me up in Vera Wang, tie my hair up with ribbons & bows....you might as well just sign me up for a marathon instead because I will, without a doubt, be wearing my tennis shoes beneath the billows of that gown. Ready to run. Truthfully, I am so, so scared to end up alone....but right now, I'm a trillion times MORE terrified to give someone my word when I know deep down in the depths of my soul that I can't keep any promises. The conclusion? I'm a runner. And for the time being, that's the way it has to stay.