I Am the Inadequate Girl

What baffled me was NOT that it ended. I saw that coming from a mile away; even wished for it a little in the subconscious of my mind.... What baffled me was your ability to consistently treat me like the gravel beneath your Adidas just as surely as I treated you like the Hope Diamond. Your importance, your value to me went so far beyond words and numbers. I listened, I hugged, I cuddled, I advised at all the right times. I was there whenever you called, present whenever you should need me, forgiving you 70 times 7....and you couldn't even forgive me once for mistakes I made nearly 3 years ago. I built you up with hope and encouraging words. You broke me down with your mixed signals and thoughtless jabs. I put you up on a pedestal. You looked down on me as a liar, unworthy of your trust. I carried your weight on my shoulders. You would have had me crawl - hands and knees - until I bled. And I would, if that's what I thought you needed, because that's how deeply I cared for you. But even that concept, you cheapened in a few brash words to your buddies. I gave you all and asked none in return, but I could never satisfy. Satisfaction, in your mind, lies in another girl. That's what it always comes down to. I will never be that girl and I will never be quite enough for you. And that cuts deep. In the end, I swear to you, you have hurt me more than I could have ever dreamed of hurting you...and I was the one begging for your trust? But I'm done with feeling inadequate. And I am FAR from inadequate. I am the girl who will go out at noon in the blazing 106 degree heat of Texas and run her toughest run of the week. I am the girl who loves math and science, who wants to be an engineer... An aerospace engineer. That's rocket science! I am the girl who doesn't know how to quit because all she's ever known is persistence and determination. I am the girl who spent all afternoon on her computer sorting through her FOUR THOUSAND songs, deciding which ones to keep on her iPod....because there was nowhere close to enough memory for all the different genres, artists, and albums, that she knows. I am that girl who is going to make a great wife as she can cook, clean, and give back massages like a pro. I am the girl who knows how to have a good time with her friends on the weekends. But I am the girl who faithfully gets up on Sunday morning to go to church. I am the girl who keeps an open mind to different cultures, foods, and styles But am also the girl who keep arguing until she wins the debate because what she DOES believe in, she's passionate about. I am that self-sufficient, independent girl who needs help from no one. And for whatever reason, you aren't seeing me for all the things that I am...32 flavors and then some. So, don't be surprised when you look in my direction and I am where I am appreciated, which is exactly where I need to be. I have enough confidence in myself to pull me through. One more thing. Mark my words, I will NEVER let you or any of your new girls make me feel "inadequate" again.