What Katy Perry has taught me about toxic relationships...

I've been on a Katy Perry kick lately. I have always adored her sticky sweet, yet commanding way of weaving words and empowering her listeners, but I was reminded of this recently, when she was a guest on the Ellen Degeneres show during the 12 Days of Giveaways Christmas special.

Katy was ravishing in red Valentino. 

After listening to her belt out her current hit, Unconditionally, I went ahead and bought her entire album, Prism. Much of this album, as she stated subtly on Ellen's show, was written about her divorce experience with Russell Brand. I couldn't help but notice that the tunes were not dark, jaded, or bitter (think Alanis Morissette, Jagged Little Pill) but rather optimistic and upbeat (now imagine a prism.....which scatters light). Needless to say, I love every song on the album....and as I was listening today, I began to think of what the lovely Katy Perry has taught me about toxic relationships.

It started with Circle the Drain - a track from Teenage Dream - which just steams, red hot, with that jaded, bitter vibe. It was my power anthem a few years back, when I was dealing with a relationship in which I experienced a lot of the same emotions I think Katy lets off her chest in this tune. I can relate to every line, in some way or another....

"You give a hundred reasons why, 

And say you're really gonna try. 

If I had a nickel for every time, 

I'd own the bank."

"Thought that I was the exception

I could rewrite your addiction

You could have been the greatest

But you'd rather get wasted."

"Can't be your savior

I don't have the power."

"I'm not gonna stay and watch you circle the drain."

You get the jist of it. Ladies, many of us are familiar with it. We fall for the artsy, troubled, bad boy type because he intrigues us, then we get into the relationship and think we can change him. Well, the truth that we all discover a little too late, that Katy belts out in her song, is that you cannot change him unless he wants to change himself. The only thing you gain from a relationship like that is a huge mess to clean up and a whole lot of baggage which, ultimately, you're going to have to address with the man who is actually right for you...and that can hurt both of you! So the moral of the story is that you don't need that anvil weighing down on your chest. Let it go, before it crushes you.

....But unfortunately, when you do find the strength to let go, it is often not soon enough. When you love someone, regardless of their faults or the many ways they may hurt you, they become a part of you. Losing them may be like losing a piece of yourself. You find yourself at the lowest of lows, thinking you "aren't enough, aren't so tough" and you're "lying on the bathroom floor". You hate yourself for wasting so much time on something that left you scarred and alone, but yet ever fiber in your tear-soaked body wants to run right back to the "same old, same old". Yes, the explosive endings of toxic relationships can leave you wondering what the meaning of your tiny life is. But...you know that saying, "When life brings you to your knees, you are in the perfect position to pray"? I'll let Katy tell the rest of the story....

 

Of course, getting over someone isn't a two step process (as in, fall down, get right back up). On the Ellen show, Katy talked about how, post breakup, you can choose to be angry, or you choose to find the good in that situation. You start exercising, taking lots of vitamins, getting good sleep, surrounding yourself with only positive people, and in turn, you exude the light you fill yourself with. That's what Prism is all about, but the one song that I felt said it best was It Takes Two.

When you are still healing, it is easy to pin all of the blame on him, but you have to remind yourself that relationships are 50%-50%. It Takes Two. It's never wholly one person's fault, and using words to cause pain will only hurt you in the long run. Admitting this takes amazing strength and an incredible amount of self-love.

It's funny...some of the worst rainstorms I can remember have produced the most vivid rainbows, which brings us to the final lesson Katy Perry taught me. If you are patient and wait on God's plan and timing, He will bring that guy I talked about earlier into your life. The "one-of-a-kind", "made to fit like a fingerprint" kinda guy....you know, the one who's right for you. The forever guy.