Set the Fire to the Third Bar

First off, this is the song Set the Fire to the Third Bar by Snow Patrol. There's an official music video, but it's dumb. This one might actually give a person chills :)
This is the only song I listen to all the way through anymore...



Now where were we last time? Freaking adoration, I would guess. Adoration for butterflies. Adoration for kisses. Adoration for a pair of beautiful blue eyes and a rock-hard bod. Adoration for attention.
Yes, that's what it was. Freaking adoration.
What is that? It's so superficial. Why did it take me so long to figure out that that isn't what I need!? Want, want, want, WANT. Where does want get me? Dead-cold hands pulling, yanking me into a deep, dark, inescapable pit. It gets me where Satan wants me--away from God.
I cried in church last Sunday, when the pastor seemed to speak at me. I cried when Jesus called my name as my family read the nightly devotional. I cried when He shouted at me last night. They say that most times God speaks in a whisper...but when he really needs your attention, he shouts.

I'm being shouted at.

Along with all of that, I had an answered prayer recently. I simply asked that, no matter what I thought I wanted (there's that cursed W word again), whatever was not part of His magnificent plan for me would be taken away, somehow. That I would LOSE INTEREST.
When I woke up from that prayer, my perspective was completely inverted.
I know what I need, first and foremost--GOD. No boy can take that place or meet that desire. Only God can stabilize my mind and heart.
And the more stable and even with each other that my mind and heart become, the more I realize that nothing has changed for...close to two years.
So what do I do about that?
Nothing.
That's the problem I've had this entire time. If I control the situation, it's going to slip through my hands like a sopping wet bar of soap.
God's in control, and maybe this whole ugly mess will take some kind of dramatic shift over the next couple of weeks, months...years. Maybe things will start anew and love & life will be more beautiful than ever before.
God's timing. Not mine.

Need I say more?