but it's better that i don't

I still want to like Tanner, because I want to believe that he's everything he is when I dream about him.
I still want to wait for him in the hallway, expectantly awaiting a warm tight hug.
I still want to wake up to country music, but somehow it's cheerful beat doesn't seem to suit my more matured, less giddy spirit.
I still want to think that he loves me, like alot, but I know that all he is is a little boy.
But is it just that I wish that he was someone he's 100% not.
Is it that he's changed? Or have I changed?
I HATE IT that everyone automatically assumes that I still pine away for him, and can't survive without him.
He's just a really good memory that, yeah, I miss a lot...but don't need to survive.
If he was the guy I used to think he was, that would be so great.
I wish he was. I would let him back in, and everything would be perfect.
But it's better that I don't.
Right?