Regarding the great mistake of my life

Coffee.
I wouldn't say I'm addicted. No, definitely not addicted. Anyway, I've only been a coffee drinker for about seven or eight months and I am still able to go days in between without drinking it and not get withdrawals - like headaches, the shakes, and whatnot. I like coffee and I consume it for the extra boost of life it gives me. It's like a "1 up" mushroom; it enhances me....but I'm still Mario without it. (I'm sure someone will understand that metaphor...)
A part of me adores coffee. When I simply breathe it in, I can feel the way it awakens my eyes and the way it kills yawns waiting to happen. The smell is like an old friend to my senses in many ways.
Yet, there's never a day that I drink coffee that I don't feel the twinge of regret.
No, not for actually drinking coffee, but for the horrible things I've done in the process of getting one measly steaming cup of joe.
Early in November, I made the great mistake of my life thus far. And on that rainy November day, in my evil fist, I held a hot cup of straight, black coffee.

You see, about six months ago, my love and I had reached a rough patch in what was the most "blissful relationship" some said that they had ever seen. People didn't think he and I would get married....they just knew it. To every great love story, however, there is a great dilemma. We had certainly reached ours. I wanted independence while he yearned for more of my time. I looked to "solutions" unfathomable to me now....but then, those so-called "solutions" made perfect sense. A break...time apart...this was exactly what we needed, I thought. At that time, a break did not only comprise of time away from each other, but time with other people. I was interested in one senior boy in particular, and he was interested in me.
I didn't try to conceal this from my love, as most sane people would have. In fact, I twisted that knife, already imbedded in his heart by telling him I intended to go on a date with that stupid boy....oh! but just to figure out what kind of person he was.
As if I shouldn't have already known!
Wasn't there enough evidence already surrounding me that he was exactly the opposite of what my heart needed? Yeah, I know that in his heart of hearts he isn't a "bad kid". He has good intentions, but those intentions are all for self-gratification. He lives for personal pleasure. Every sinful habit you can possibly imagine, he's dipped his toes in at one point in time...and he passes it off by saying it isn't habit--it's choice, it's fun, it's living life on the edge....and he needs someone like me, for example, to keep him balanced. Oh, for PETE'S SAKE, Alaina! You actually fell for that ridiculous ploy?! He's a tool.
But for some reason, one rainy November morning, I found myself meeting up with him in the school library for every living soul to see and accepting a ride to grab a cup of coffee with him. Hint, hint: when your mother tells you not to accept rides from strangers, take her seriously. This boy was a near stranger to me, and I just hopped up into that big truck like we'd known each other since the beginning of time. Then I get into those confined spaces with him & he smells like heaven and the attraction is like bees to honey. His smile can get a young girl going like she's a snake and he's her charmer. With every vibrant chuckle, my mind kept whirring...What would it be like to date him? Live on the wild side with him for a while? I wonder how it would feel to kiss him...
While my mind whirred, my love received a text message from a girl who already knew she was going to snatch him up, telling him just who I left the school with and eluding to just what I might be doing with him.
And shortly after that, I was hauling my guilty rear to class when he raced out in front of me and stopped me in my tracks.
"Did you leave the school with *insert name here*?"
Regret. That's all I can feel now for that moment of shame, standing in front of the young-man I love. I wish I could have truthfully told him no, kissed him on the cheek, grabbed his hand and left the school with him to go on our very own romantic coffee date. We could have driven in the rain and struggled to avoid splashing ourselves in puddles as we pranced into Casey's hand-in-hand. He would have gotten his chocolate milk and I my Starbucks double-shot iced coffee. We could have skipped school together and gone on a Mason City adventure to look at cars and walk aimlessly about the town. We could have gone to the mall and looked in the ring store, just to get a rise out of the salesman. "Are you two old enough to be this serious?"
Of course he would have said something clever under his breath, "True love has no age," or something.
Not a day passes, cup-of-coffee in hand, that I don't wonder....
What would have happened that day, had I gotten in the car with the boy I loved, who loved me in return
instead of with a stranger who cared not about my character or my virtue?

All I can think....is that I drank coffee in the presence of the wrong person, that rainy November morning.