Tired

Sometimes the story is too long to tell, the tears fall (even when you will them not to) & it hurts too much to explain. I would love to share, because I know it will give me clarity....but I'm just so tired. But really, how can I even complain when there are people who are suffering more than my mind can even begin to comprehend? My heart has never been so broken for someone else. How I wish I were a crook! A theif! A robber! I would steal all of the pain, all of the tears, and all of the hurt...I would invert it, reverse it, turn it inside out. I would fill in that hole in the side of his heart with something perfect. I can't. I'm only human. And nothing would fit just right. Can you call me foolish for wishing I could? How? It just kills me to see him like this, to know that life will never be quite the same and to know that that hole in the side of his heart will never fully close. I have done nothing but offer myself to him over these past three weeks. Can I cook for you? Can I help you with your homework? Can I get you anything at the store? Can I help you clean your house? Can I just wrap my arms around you and hold you for awhile? I don't know how I'm supposed to help you when you aren't mine! But as I sat there, wondering how he was doing, but not daring ask him.... he looked directly into my mind with ice blue eyes, ailed and tormented with grief, and answered my thoughts. "I'm okay, Lainey. I'm just tired."