What Do I Want?

What do I want?
Gosh, WHAT do I WANT?!
I'm lost in a blur between two completely parallel universes. If I have one, I've lost the other. I could never have both.
One: I could easily spend the rest of my life with. I could see myself falling asleep in those arms and waking up to those eyes. I could kiss those lips every day, countless numbers of times. I could not only tolerate each and every story he has to tell, but enjoy them. I have seen myself walking down the aisle to this boy. I have seen our children and our grandchildren. I've seen little old us in rockers on the front porch, laughing just like we always do. I LOVE that boy and ever since I had that realization, I have viewed him as my potential husband and quite possibly the love of my life.
The other: He's the pinnacle of excitement. He's gorgeous and he's older. When he rolls up to whisk me away, I feel like a celebrity. When he's at my side, I feel as though all eyes are on us. But that's barely even a factor in this equation. When I'm in that passenger seat, cruising with him, I feel so free. He wraps his huge, manly arms around my comparatively tiny body, and my heart is thumping like a bass drum. He does just what he wants and cares not what other people think. He's viewed as a bad boy, but he has a heart of gold.
BUT it wouldn't matter who I chose--I CAN'T have either. One boy is falling for someone else, the other I am forbidden from seeing. And I really don't want anything else...it all seems so hollow and ridiculous up next to them. However, if given the opportunity to decide for myself, I'm not sure what I would do. The answer is simple, though, right? You pick the love of your life. Decision made.
No...I'm afraid. I'm "ruined" as some may put it...and my trust is dwindling.
My question.....what if I would be passing on the THRILL of a lifetime and a potentially incredible man, for a boy who isn't sure anymore if he plans on SPENDING a lifetime with me?