New Girl All Over

I wish I was the "new girl" all over again, that I could press rewind and delete the bad feelings, the rumors, the anger, and the frustration. I wish I had a second chance at a fresh start. I wish I could "ctrl+a, ctrl+x" on the past nineteen-or-so months. Then I could have back that sensitivity, confidence, and hope for a future. How gentle life was! I can hardly believe it. Maybe, if I could start from the very beginning, I would try a little harder to reach out to the girls in this town. Maybe they would try a little harder to understand my loneliness and the hurt I was suffering at the time. I bet I would laugh a lot more....not fake laughter, but genuine, stomach-hurt laughter. I hope that if I did it all over again, I wouldn't have wasted a first look at a certain boy. Okay, a little harsh. Lemme restate: I hope that I would be smarter in trying to figure this guy out. I knew he was dangerous from the get-go. Why did I continue to seek attention from him? The knowledge that I could steal it so easily, maybe. The knowledge that I could use him to my advantage? Definitely. Regardless of the heartache he put me through, I would never do what I did to him a second time. I would avoid him at all costs from the start.
I would cherish the simplicity of my relationship with Nathan and push the complexity away with as much force as I could stir up. I wouldn't allow myself to be judged and I wouldn't judge others for judging me. I would treat all with an equal Christ-like love and not take a class with my sophomore cousin, who convinced me of things I didn't believe in and tainted my mind with his own confused lifestyle. I would live each season, each day, to it's fullest instead of just living for the summer. I would make school my second priority & I would go to church on each Sunday that I missed.
That's why now I am going to make those wishes into reality. I won't wish upon a star and hope that it comes true...I'm going to make it true. I'm going to push for purity, work hard for A's, love each day like there isn't a tomorrow, and rejoice in the life that the Lord has granted me.
No more will I mourn for yesterday.
No more will I wish I had done that differently.
I WILL do that differently.