Turning Point.

Picture the scene.
My room is dark. The only light is a single candle, burning close to the end of the wick. I inhale, instantly smelling sandalwood vanilla. My eyes close, and the Novocaine-like sensation of emotional numbness prickles the nerve endings of my body...and all feeling is slowly blotted with that same tingling. I can hear my 'sad' music playing softly in the background as I slip into this anesthetized state. The simple solitude is causing the melody of my heartbeat to slow to something far more mellow. It feels as though there are months between each thump. Thump. January. Thump. February. Thump. March.
I let the numbness blanket all the memories of the past nine months or so. I don't have the emotional will, nor strength to fight off the extraction of all feeling. I don't have anything left, right now. I'm wiped out. I need the solitude....
I breathe, deeply, and feel moisture behind my eyes. Something is forming. Something is coming out of the nothingness, the hollow pit that is my body. I can feel the tears creeping in from nowhere. The constricting ache in my throat.
Colors & images flash across the inside of my eyelids. I see grays, whites, blacks. And then a title wave of memory. I see a tall stack of documents stuffed into file flolders. Breathe. I see a red sign, being whacked into the ground by a hammer. Smiling faces. Too perfect. I moan, feeling uncomfortable pressure in my chest and the inability to breathe. I feel long arms, enveloping my body....there is breeze, gently hitting my skin. I'm sitting somewhere high up. The surface beneath me is rough, black. I look down and see houses, cars passing by. I'm on a roof. Someone is holding me. I inhale, a horrible sound coming from the back of my throat. I see a man with a mustache. He's smiling. He's massaging my head. Telling me I could have the world, if I wanted. I see laughter. I hear laughter. I see two carefree, giddy girls frolicking on an open patch of green. Their spirits could go on for miles, but their bodies topple over in a hysterical heap. They are hugging each other. Smiling. Holding on. Not knowing what lies in the future.
I see plane after plane. Stares as I sob, unabashedly, loudly.
I see scars and heartaches that I could have fixed.
I see faces. Faces I don't know. Faces who don't know me. They judge. They scowl over me, and have this certain idea. Oh, they think they HAVE ME PEGGED, don't they? I bet you would have never guessed...
I gasp as every memory floods into my mind.
And then, stops dead in it's trail.

The first glimpse of tired, blue eyes. They appear as though they haven't slept well in months, but, still...they are the most undoubtedly gorgeous ice blue eyes I have ever seen. And they wake me up. They shake the tears, they rip me from the numbness, from the fear. They extract me from a black hole of hopelessness.
I AM ALIVE.
I am BREATHING.

Steadily, I sit up. I open my eyes. I see the sun.
Five months. Five months.
I never thought I'd make it.