over the rainbow

I've been a little distant lately....

Okay, I've been very distant. And I miss You. I feel so empty without You here inside of me. There's this hole the size of a football where You once were, and everytime I think of my neglect to You....it aches. So, this isn't the dramatic story of how a boy ripped my heart out, but it is a story of a certain measure of drama. I'm so lost, I've let this get out of control. I need You so badly. I can't keep up with the days...they just pass and pass and I can't remember where I am, what month it is, who I once was. I'm so numb, I have absolutely no feeling. What do I need to do for You? How do I get control of this again? I don't wanna spend the rest of my life wishing, waiting for the day to come that I can finally be where I want to again. I want everything back.

I want the carelessness of crayons and Barbie coloring books, I want my daddy, I want to steal my momma's lipstick again, I want to run everyday errands alongside her in my carseat, I want God and Christianity to come easily again, I want to weigh little enough to leap into my dad's arms when he comes home from work, I want boys to have coodies, I want girls to be sweet.

I just want the innocent days back.