oh how i wish you could see the potential, the potential of you and me.

He was basically my first real boyfriend. His voice was the soundtrack of my summer, the memories we have are neverending. I believed at one point in time that he was my first love. He had this control over my emotions like no one should ever have. He violated the bubble around my heart, popped it and ripped it out to take for his own, and I didn't mind. Sometimes I still think he has part of it.

He was my everything, but am I really now his nothing?

The desperation in his eyes seemed to cry out to me, "Forgive me, please." for the first week or so. But then SHE came along. Of course I knew eventually there would be a rebound, and it turned out there was for both of us. It was short lived, but it seemed to mean a lot to him, so I put all the feelings behind me and accepted the fact that he was over me.

But nowadays, the way he looks at me when we pass in the hallway just crushes me, the fact that he said he missed me, even if it meant nothing at all, made my heart race, the way he high fives me, and then just kind of stands there touching my hand for a split second makes me remember the days when he would wait for me and hold me for what seemed like forever.

But then there's him. Yeah, there's more, there's someone else. This boy has loved me since before Tanner, before Alex, before Coleman, before all of the other guys and heartbreaks. He was always quietly there whenever I needed him, but disappeared when I didn't. I never thought much about him, but he thought about me all the time. He knew the real me, the actress behind the scenes, the girl stripped of all the makeup. He knew that girl. I guess I always expected his obsession to live on, but one day when I woke up and realized all of the things he'd done for me, how much he cared, and how good he would be for me, he was over me and had a new girl to be in love with.

But still, the way he talks to me like nothing ever happened, the way he looks at me when I look at him, the fact that we are SO alike...it just disappoints me.

The first guy screwed his chances over with me, so why do I still care?

The next gave me mine, so why can't I just accept it and move on?