wanna know the truth?

I keep telling myself this is for the best, that I'm strong, that I'll make it, that this will be over, that he'll come crawling back to me this time.
But how easy can that be, huh?
How easy could it possibly be to get a guy to stand up and say, "God, Lainey. I miss you SO much. I can't live without you..please, please forgive me. I'll never hurt you again. Can we just forget this ever happened?"
There's just too much pride, right?
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The funny thing about when I actually started writing this at least a week ago, was that Paige called me and told me that he WAS gonna come back to me. That he WAS gonna ask me back out. The funny thing about hearing that, was that earlier that very night, with the tears falling, I wished on shooting star that he would come back to me. The funniest part was that I was so relieved that I fell out of my chair and started laughing. Rolling on the floor LAUGHING hysterically. I laughed so hard that there were tears welling up in my eyes. The funny thing about ALL THAT is that it was fake. A game of pretend.
When I learned that he'd changed his mind yet again, only a measly day later, I started shaking. No, I was convulsing. I honestly thought I was going to have a seizure or something. I was sobbing, I couldn't see straight, the room was spinning, making my head ache..it was like being broken up with all over again, but worse. It was like I couldn't breathe.

The days passed. Despite the amount of pain this boy had caused me, I only got stronger and stronger, each inch of sadness left in my heart quickly turning into bravery, durability, and force. I never thought that it would come out like this, but it's just knowing exactly how it's all going to end that has me feeling like this. I'm going to march back into that school on Tuesday with my friends at my side, throwing my head back in laughter at the stupidity of the average middle school boy..And he will shuffle and drag his feet back, still thinking of the past Thursday's events, the arguments between us, and the pain he caused me. He will feel sorry, he will want me back, he will be completely and utterly agonized, and he will miss me.
Oh, yeah. It's his turn to hurt, to feel the searing pain...like a knife through his beating heart, just the kind that he caused me.

And I will be over it.
And he's gonna have to prove to me that he's worth a second glance. And a third chance.